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Joke of the Day

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"Wife: Why do you go...... Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing. Husband: Because the people would think I am beating you."

"Mexicans and Muslims have a lot in common now... If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

"I'll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said ""Never forget what I'm about to tell you"" then some story about corn."

"What's the difference between a whore and a truck? The truck can only take the load from behind where as the whore can take it from anywhere."

"How did Harry Potter get down the mountain? Running!... JK, Rowling."

"I'm not afraid of death, so much as I am of dying! I wanna die how my father died, peacefully in his sleep, not like his screaming terrified passengers! *Gotham, Mondays on Fox*"

"There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list."

"Batman: Life isn't a video game. Your actions have consequences *Robin writes 'I'm sorry I forgot to buy Charmin' 100 times on Batpaper*"

"My friends pet mouse Elvis just died. He was caught in a trap."