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Joke of the Day

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"if my mother-in-law was an actress, she'd be the star of The Cunt for Red October."

"So crap that it's good (I hope) Whats white and cant climb trees? A fridge -_-"

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A very soar arse"

"A flamingo, a duck, and a lawyer... Q: What can a flamingo do that a duck can't that a lawyer should? A: Stick its bill up its ass."

"i dont think anyone quotes mlk more than white people who were just accused of racism themselves"

"I've been cutting corners my whole life... But now I am a well-rounded person, so it worked out pretty well."

"What's the best insult you can tell someone?"

"Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No."

"the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead"