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Joke of the Day

"Why did the man sleep after being run over by a car? Because he got tired."

"I saw a girl texting while driving the other day.. it really pissed me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"Why does T-Pain always look well rested? Because he is a NAPPY BOY!!!"

"[ER] ME: [scared] well? DOCTOR: ur ok M: so it was just a dream D: o no ur body is filled with lizards but ur system is accepting them"

"I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers"

"*puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you."

"I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, ""I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"""

"Who does a dead pharaoh talk to? His mummy."

"What do you call a man who repeatedly stabs his raisin bran on a daily basis? A cereal killer"

"What's the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for a couple of centuries, it'll grow a culture."