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Joke of the Day

"*puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you."

"You hear about the guy who had his whole left side amputated? I hear he's all right now."

"At the sushi restaurant: What kind of eel is this? Diner at the sushi restaurant: ""What kind of eel is this?"" Waiter: ""Do you love it?"" Diner: ""yeah"" Waiter: ""Then, that's a moray"""

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise"" mean the same thing...except when you're at a funeral."

"What's the difference between a drum, a woman, and a blowjob? You can beat a drum. And you can beat a woman. But you can't beat a blowjob."

"What do a hippie-chick and a hockey player have in common? Both don't shower until after 3 periods."

"say a prayer for all the men who are forced to carry their girlfriends' purses"

"Reddit More like shmreddit"

"Boxed In There was a young girl from Peru Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, ""If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it, too."""

"[1st day in hell] Devil: Your damnation will be that you are a shoe model for all eternity. Me: That's it? D: *hands me orange Crocs*"