121909

Joke of the Day

"[speed dating] Anyway, do you have a baby hedgehog? ""No."" *I take a deep breath and roll my eyes* [timer beeps]"

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? You can't milk a cow for 15 years."

"What is the best way to make your dick look and feel really big? Fuck a toddler."

"What do you do after having licked the world's smoothest vagina? Put it back in the stroller"

"""Wow, that was a very good sandwich."" - Liam Neeson, at some point, probably"

"blondes Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ""It's dark in here isn't it?"" The other replied, ""I don't know; I can't see."""

"*swivels around in evil chair* *evil laugh* *pets evil cat* *evil cat laughs* *jumps out of evil chair* ""Holy shit, that cat just laughed!"""

"Me: I fell down the stairs with a quart of Jagermeister & I didn't spill a drop. Him: Well, how'd you do that? Me: I kept my mouth shut.."

"Donald Trump is gonna be the next US President pretty HILLARYous, isn't it"

"Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap? You're welcome."