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Joke of the Day

"I made an app that tells you were people with dwarfism are at all times. I can't be the only one thinking of the imp-locations."

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"[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is taco ME: four please JUDGE: we're not- ME: with chips JUDGE: ordering ME: *lips on mic* extra guac"
"What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital? Albunny New York!"
"People that say ""God never gives you more than you can handle"" never met my ex-girlfriend."
"[High School Reunion] Him: I started my own Law Firm last year Me: It took 2 months, but I convinced my wife Space Jam was a true story"
"I have a friend who is half-Indian... He's Ian."
"People treat me like a god... They don't talk to me unless they want something."
"Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side."
"- Dad, are mermaids fish or women? -It depends on if you are horny or hungry."
"I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna"