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Joke of the Day

"I made an app that tells you were people with dwarfism are at all times. I can't be the only one thinking of the imp-locations."

"Trying to decide who to leave my middle fingers to when I die."

"What do you call a marijuana robbery? A high-st"

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"What do you call a rhetorical fish? Sharkasm."

"How is useless meat around vagina called?.. ... women."

"Dogs. Because when everyone looks at you like you're crazy, they look at you like you're amazing."

"I try to refrain from farting while I masturbate. For I am a gentleman."

"A first date is probably the best time to show off your wicked hand puppet skills."

"What did the two stoners do with their son when they divorced? They put him under joint custody."