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Joke of the Day

"When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard"

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"[mall] Me: That guy looks SO familiar! Wife: ... M: Maybe an actor? Musician? W: ... M: I'll get an autograph! W: He's our mailman, moron."
"What are Mexican hackers called? BanDDoS"
"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"
"""And the Oscar for Best Actress goes to.....Beyonce?"" *Kanye slowly sits down*"
"I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, ""Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."""
"Why does Trump hate McCain so much? He heard McCain stayed in a Hilton for 5 years."
"How many points do you get if you hit a golfer? Fore."
"What music service do potatoes like to use? Spudify."
"A Pervert, A Con Artist and a Fascist walk into a bar... ..The Bartender Says, ""What'll it be Mr. President Trump?"""
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