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Joke of the Day

"[mall] Me: That guy looks SO familiar! Wife: ... M: Maybe an actor? Musician? W: ... M: I'll get an autograph! W: He's our mailman, moron."

"A cow with no voice is thrown into a black hole An immoovable object meets an unstoppable force."

"Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something."

"If there's three people, it's usually a threesome. If there's two people, it's called a twosome. And if a guy is single? He's usually called handsome."

"My wife keeps telling me I shouldn't pee in the bath Or if I really have to, I should at least wait till she gets out."

"I hate myself for laughing, but a joke my grandpa told me.. What do you call 5 black people having sex? A Three some."

"said to my wife... I can make a car out of noodles. NO YOU CAN'T she said. ...should've seen her face when I drove pasta."

"I like my women like I like my cider... ... cold and dry ;)"

"What do you call a Russian, homophobic, golfer? Vladimir Putting"

"Changed my outgoing voicemail message to ""You have reached the government."""