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Joke of the Day

"I wish I lived in the 20s so I could wear hats, smoke cigarettes and say stuff like, ""Hey big cheese, this giggle water is the cat's meow."""

"Happy International Women's Day Or its better known name, Just Another Made Up Holiday No One Gives A Fuck About Day. or my favorite, Tuesday."

"there're two reasons why i wear a diaper for 1 & 2"

"I tried giving my cat a bath... but I keep getting hair in my mouth"

"Never underestimate mothers. They can turn ""mayhem"" into ""ma'am"" with one narrowed glance."

"What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? We will get around to it sooner or later."

"[me, leaving a funeral] That was fantastic. Let's do this again sometime."

"I almost got fired for watching internet porn at work. Instead I got fired for masturbating."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? 'Cause 7 was a Registered Sex Offender."

"If women can do anything men can do... how come they haven't oppressed an entire gender?"