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Joke of the Day

"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"

"Where do poor people live in Italy? In the spaghetto"

"If you use a meat tenderizer to repeatedly hit a backless bar chair does it become a stool softener? Probably."

"How many ""All Lives Matter"" protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time."

"A blind person, and girl drop into a well Girl says: It's so dark in here, don't you agree? Blind guy: Sigh* Girl: Oh so you're deaf too."

"what's the square root of 69? ate something."

"What did the egg say to the pan or boiling water? ""It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chicken."""

"I thought about making a sex tape the other day... ...until I realized it would just be a Vine."

"When people ask me how old I am, I always say 45. They all think I look AMAZING for my age."

"""Ok, I know this is creepy af but check this out.."" -first taxidermist"