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Joke of the Day

"What is the best part of an ISIS joke? The execution."

"Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities"

"Capitalization is important... It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"I went to a library... I went to a library and asked the librarian for a book on suicide. Then the librarian turned to me and said ""Fuck you, you wont return it!"""

"""Every cloud has a silver lining."" - Terribly inaccurate meteorologist"

"Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? - A: It stole the show!"

"Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet? The one with the biggest head."

"You staring at your phone= jerk. Me staring at my phone= cool guy with lots of shit happening in his life."

"So this morning I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"How do you know if somebody is a vegan? They'll fucking tell you."