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Joke of the Day

"Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities"

"Remember when you were young and everything was new and you were filled with optimism and hope? Anyway here's a new thing to buy from Apple."

"Fellas, If her pelvis doesn't touch yours when you embrace, she doesn't find you attractive."

"vote up cause im a criminal the rules for starting a thread im quoting ""Beginning your title with ""vote up if"" is violation of intergalactic law."""

"[Job interview] Interviewer: Do you have any questions? Me: Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus? Interviewer: Holy shit"

"How many germans does it take to change a light bulb? One, we have no time for humour."

"How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ? You can feel his presents ..."

"What happened to the gay couple that mistook Vaseline for wallpaper paste? Their wallpaper fell down!"

"Sometimes I put my cat in the sunroom hoping the coyote who lives out back will charge at it and bounce off the glass."

"Two potatoes are standing on the corner. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one with the sticker that says, ""Idaho""."