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Joke of the Day

"""Every cloud has a silver lining."" - Terribly inaccurate meteorologist"

"Polar Bear Q: How do you catch a polar bear? A: You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear goes in to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole."

"Last night, I got in touch with my inner self... That's the last time buying cheap toilet paper."

"My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one."

"My ass is one of the great wonders of the world if you're wondering when it's getting off this couch."

"What do you call a small wardrobe? A battledrobe."

"Did you see the newspaper report about the midget psychiatrist wanted by the police.... The headline said ""Small medium at large""... I'll see myself out!"

"Today is definitely a good day to be kissed but I'm going to sit inside and look at my phone because sometimes that feels like kissing too"

"A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi."

"If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious"