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Joke of the Day

"I just downloaded more RAM... ...but I still can't play No Man's Sky."

"Limbaugh is leaving the US because of Health Care Reform? Well good luck finding a country with indoor plumbing but no socialized medicine!"

"Last night my friend trashed a Chinese restaurant... Told him I was horrified by his wonton destruction"

"[me, leaving a funeral] That was fantastic. Let's do this again sometime."

"Whats black, heavy, round and comes from the sky that can kill you? A bowling ball."

"Why were Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul so good in Breaking Bad? They were meth-od acting."

"I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"

"Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire."

"Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur? He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat"

"When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him."