190921

Joke of the Day

"When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him."

Next Joke
 
"TIL John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife dies so he wrote Paradise Regained."
"Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt."
"The best feeling in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without the thing you thought you needed."
"That awkward moment when you lean in to hug someone sexy and bump your head on the mirror."
"How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the jaw."
"Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?"
"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey"
"Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They take all the green cards."
"I'm reenacting the War of 1812 with 47 gummy bears so I think the Ambien has finally kicked in. Casualties have been immense... & delicious"