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Joke of the Day

"Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre."

"Pity the poor egg. He only gets laid once in his life, and even then it's by his mother."

"What has 2 legs and bleeds......? ....half a dog."

"GHOST: I'm here to warn you to change your ways before it's too late POLTERGEIST: I'ma open your cupboards"

"[at hairstylist] Make me look like I'm running really fast."

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because 7 - 8 - 9."

"Million dollar idea: make $100,000 ten times"

"Me:*runs into woods* ahh I'm gonna get killed by the clowns Clown: nah we just want to scare people Me: oh. can u make an exception for me"

"I have two major flaws: 1. I'm very redundant 2. I tend to repeat myself"

"The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma."