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Joke of the Day

"Why were Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul so good in Breaking Bad? They were meth-od acting."

"[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case"

"Me on the toilet: HEY I NEED SOME TOILET PAPER 6: *running around dressed like a mummy* we're all out"

"UGH now I just painted an amazing picture but accidentally painted a thumb in the corner"

"no thanks La-Z-Boy. I like my furniture gender neutral"

"employee: over 100 ppl were killed by the dinosaurs again CEO: my God [10yrs later] CEO: what if we made a dinosaur theme park again lmao"

"What should you say when an old lady calls you a ""bastard sonofabitch""? ""I love you too, mom."""

"Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35"

"Roses are expensive... Violets are gay... Poems are for pussies... Have a nice day..."

"A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, ""Family of yours?"" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, ""Yea, in-laws."""