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Joke of the Day

"Gf: ""You want to know what your problem is?"" Me: *looks at watch* ""Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"""

"What the difference between a calender and you.... a calendar has a date on Valentines day."

"Life is like a penis. Sometimes it's hard."

"I like giving names to my furniture Right now i'm chillin' with Oscar the Couch"

"This is ridiculous: ""www"" contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is 'short' for, ""world wide web."""

"Pythagoras was a skeptic... ...but now he believes in angles"

"Made a reverse chain letter that said 'delete this email or you get bad luck!' and then deleted it without sending. Then I called it a day."

"What medical device helps people that are uncomfortable looking at male genitalia? A cockleer implant."

"[at a funeral] What happens to his leftover meds?"

"I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl."