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Joke of the Day

"I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl."

"I was gonna tell you a joke so funny you'd laugh your dick off... but it looks like you already heard it."

"There are three kinds of people in New Zealand.. The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders.."

"What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine."

"Pencil Me In Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? Girl: Yes, February 14th."

"This earthquake was the first time that I've ever said, ""it was 4.7, but felt bigger."""

"Round the Mountain by Sheelagh B. Cummin"

"Stop complaining about the length of the Hobbit movies. Plays are 17 hours long. School plays are twice that."

"[God creating hairless cats] How about some foreskin with night vision."

"George bush got stuck in concrete. That sets a bad precedent."