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Joke of the Day

"I like giving names to my furniture Right now i'm chillin' with Oscar the Couch"

"[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad"

"I have a dark sense of humor but being a normally good person, *people don't see it.*"

"Why doesn't a scarecrow use TP because hay .. its in his jeans"

"Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate."

"Why are leggings and sand the same? They both get stuck in camel toe."

"What idiot called it ""Fox News"" and not ""white whine""?"

"What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment."

"Whats worse than Bad command or File name? Windows update message asking you to restart your computer"

"Who reads the news AND makes coffee? Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)"