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Joke of the Day

"wife: ugh I feel so old me: you're only 36 wife: ugh me: that's like three 12yr olds wife: what me: what"

"The most unrealistic part of The Martian movie was... CNN's coverage did not involve speculation about whether Joe Biden would also get stuck on Mars"

"What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say insert bill here"

"Why do tigers eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook!"

"Kim Jong Un called me an asshole. I retorted back that he doesn't have an asshole, which is why he is so full of shit."

"What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard? Bigfoot is occasionally sighted"

"What do root vegetables do at tha club? Turnip"

"What does a Jewish pedophile say? Want to buy a candy?"

"Now 91 is waving his diaper over his head while 86 is running down the street naked with 79's pants. Working in the old folks home is hard."

"What do you call a midget physic that has escaped from prison?? A small medium at large"