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Joke of the Day

"(Real news) In Florida, a truck filled with $120,000-worth of chocolate was stolen. Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing."

"It's the story of Zip the penguin. It's a penguin, walking happily on the ice, and.... Ziiiiiiip the penguin!"

"Talk shit about Billy Joel to me & you'll get BLOCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCK-OCKED. You oughta know by now."

"Meghan Trainor's business cards' must be pretty simple. Name: No Number: No Affiliation: No Contact address: No"

"I was watching you while you slept. You look pretty stupid."

"[guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy."

"You've cat to be kitten me right meow."

"What do all Amish girls want? Two Mennonite"

"Squared My dick is X squared and I rooted your mom. Now she's my X"

"Karate Kid (1984) A Japanese man teaches a desperate young boy about bullying by forcing him to fix his house."