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Joke of the Day

"""Frequently Asked Questions"" is the most cheerfully passive-aggressive page of any website."

"[reading Harry Potter] Me: Do you know what's going on? 3-year-old: He went to lizard school. I'd correct her, but her version is better."

"Where does a homosexual Southerner live? In dick-sea land"

"hey magic 8 ball, why cant humans fly ""thats not a yes or no question"" then how did you just say that ""Yes"" no come on ju- ""Ask Again Later"""

"If you need me I'll always be stuck behind the person who doesn't know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle."

"The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and my power goes out."

"What do you use when you go fishing for nudes on the internet? A boober!"

"The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you."

"I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless"

"All my hostile pals are in hospitals."