88675

Joke of the Day

"If you need me I'll always be stuck behind the person who doesn't know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle."

"I'm turned on by women who don't mind sucking a little dick Mine"

"I was dating a midget but it didn't work out. My parents and friends looked down on her. Bonus: It was a short relationship."

"Ice skating is like walking in cursive"

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't. That's it. That's the joke."

"What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you called the company Microsoft"

"If any pandas are reading this: neat!"

"My financial advisor told me that I could catch up on my bills if I stopped buying so much pizza. We laughed and laughed. Then I fired him."

"Here's a pie chart on procrastination."

"Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password."