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Joke of the Day

"Why is your face all scratched ? My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !"

"My girlfriend lives on the east coast of Virginia. She's my Chesapeake Bae."

"Dear guy who parked his Lexus across two parking spaces: Your car got paint on my keys."

"It's so sad... that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs"

"Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!"

"Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected... contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising."

"I made a model aircraft. I wanted it to be an unpainted smooth finish wooden aircraft. So I made a plain planed plane plane."

"How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?"

"Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ""You man the guns, I'll drive."""

"Jesus saves! Because he shops at Walmart"