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Joke of the Day

"I tried to open a .SJW file but it said I lacked the ""Correct"" privileges."

"If I got in a fight, the first thing I'd do is take off my shirt so he could see the scars where I've burned myself ironing. He'd back down."

"Life seems to be like a pushy boyfriend Because even when I'm not in the mood I still seem to get fucked by it"

"In hell, you have to listen to chicks fully explain a movie, scene by scene."

"Knock knock. Who's there? The pilot, let me in! Credit to: /u/Squidward_On_Drugs on an AskReddit thread, wanted to share with r/jokes"

"[Gone for an hour] Boss: Where have you been? Me: There was a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and I couldn't find the beginning."

"Fellas: Make it a Valentine's Day she'll always remember by simply forgetting it."

"What do you call a Knight that cuts beef? Sir Loin."

"Every time I listen to oldies I'm like, ""These people didn't even have cellphones. What the fuck do they know about love?"""

"I'm no genius but I'm pretty sure Mexicans with anxiety have Hispanic attacks."