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Joke of the Day

"If I got in a fight, the first thing I'd do is take off my shirt so he could see the scars where I've burned myself ironing. He'd back down."

"Your parents brought you up! Don't bring them down."

"What has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table."

"Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant? Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says ""Idaho""."

"Whats brown and comes out of Cowes backwards? The Isle of Wight ferry."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet Adele (Hello from the other side)"

"In person it's lying, but in texting, you can just call it a typo."

"The first woman on the moon. ""Houston we have a problem."" What? ""nevermind"" What's the problem?? ""nothing"" Please tell us!? ""You know what the problem is."""

"Don't tell me about how you ""dressed up"" your baby for a special occasion. If you're wearing something you can shit in you aren't dressed up"

"No, I don't want to ""Like"" your business on Facebook. I barely ""Like"" you."