76644

Joke of the Day

"Every time I listen to oldies I'm like, ""These people didn't even have cellphones. What the fuck do they know about love?"""

"What is the worst part about being told you have Alzheimer's? It never happens just once."

"*lowers car suspension to look more gangster* *takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*"

"I just like to sleep naked... The flight attendant could have been a bit more understanding."

"Why didn't Hitler cross the road? Because he could nazi anything"

"Am I financially wealthy? No. But am I rich when it comes to relationships, happiness, and experiences? Still no."

"when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS"

"Fortune Teller I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I fucked a girl named Penny - is that spooky or what?"

"The Most Hipster Job Of All Time Is... Being a Mortician. Morticians are so hipster that their work doesn't get more popular; instead it just goes further underground."

"Why do Queenslanders call their beer, ""XXXX""? Because they can`t spell the word, beer."