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Joke of the Day

"[Gone for an hour] Boss: Where have you been? Me: There was a new roll of toilet paper in the bathroom and I couldn't find the beginning."

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"Just a reminder that parrots can talk."
"[NSFW] Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks"
"Using a macbook is like making love to a woman There are so many things to do with your fingers, but none of them work."
"Humpty Dumpty Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."
"You can keep retaking all the photos you want but that's just what your face really looks like"
"I was having dinner .. .. .. with Garry Kasporov and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt."
"Dear ladies who wear black tights and red shoes: Please stop. Minnie Mouse is not a style icon for grown women. Love, M"
"[hiding in pantry from murderer] [quietly tries to open bag of chips]"
"The Tsunami in Japan Everybody knows that the reason for the tsunami in Japan was because Magikarp was using splash all the time."
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