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Joke of the Day

"What is an engineer's favorite Halloween candy? Dork chocolate"

"You can't run through a camp ground. You can only ran... Because it's past tents"

"I've been working out at Starbucks lately. Hitting the french press."

"I heard they banned phones now in China Apparently there is so many Wings and so many Wongs they keep Winging the Wong number."

"I'd rather watch a four hour montage of old Russian men eating soup than have a toddler throw a tantrum in a Target."

"Boris Johnson? Isn't he the man that sounds like he's on his way to pub, or has just made his way back from it?"

"A wannabee client asked me to find her a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan for $900/month. ...then she added ""Oh, I have a 60 pound dog, too."" I politely replied: ""I don't have a time machine."""

"What do you call a donkey in space? A wild asstronaught."

"Pull my finger Pffft"

"Do you know why the Little Mermaid wore seashells? Because she was too small for D shells."