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Joke of the Day

"Boris Johnson? Isn't he the man that sounds like he's on his way to pub, or has just made his way back from it?"

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"Do you want to know that people care whether you're alive? Try missing a couple of payments."

"Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals."

"On the toilet for 20 minutes. Wish you were here."

"Hello 911? Yeah, my wife accidentally fell off a cruise ship 3 months ago"

"It's a great time to be a horse caretaker in this economy Stable jobs are hard to come by these days."

"Queen: ""come to bed"" King: ""not until i have a name for my soldiers"" Queen: ""k night"" King: ""babe ur a fukin genius"""

"Why do Physicists make terrible parents? They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one."

"[NSFW] What do you get when you fuck a dead person in the ass? Cold cumfart"