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Joke of the Day

"57% of serial killers were bed wetters until an unusually advanced age. Let's make fun of them! What's the worst that could hap..never mind."

"Had a dream some of my friends were mooning me, woke up at the crack of Don."

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say ""hello"" from the other side. ::mic drop::::"

"Where do epileptic midgets go for pizza? Little Caeser's"

"Wife: ""Would you like to help me....?"" Translation: ""Do it or die."""

"I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you ... even you."

"I might be OCD, but I'm not falling for that check engine bullshit. It's there."

"""Rolls Royce"" is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef"

"""911"" you gotta help, my wife is in labour in the backseat ""how far apart are the contractions?"" about 2 miles but I'm driving pretty fast"

"If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it's horn in my mouth."