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Joke of the Day

"wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*"

"What is Metal Gear's Snake's secret? There's a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas."

"So you have better sunblock than me... Rub it in"

"No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy."""

"What do you call a japanese homeless guy? Tokyo Drifter"

"Me: Just to be safe, we should quarantine Texas and nuke it from space. CW: That seems like an overreaction to Ebola. Me: They have Ebola?"

"Why was Hitler sent to the grocery store? He killed the juice."

"NEWS ANCHOR: Here's Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report. GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk] I quit. Back to you, John."

"I heard Kim Jong-Un built a new private refrigerator He calls it a ""grocery store"". Wakka wakka!"

"What do you get when you cross a horse, an elephant, and a rhino? Helephino."