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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? With Twitter the number of characters do not go down with time"

"when you push a pull door and the person behind says ""you need to pull"" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom"

"Relationship status: outside my wife's window, holding John Cusack over my head."

"There are two types of people in the world: Those that divide everything into two categories, and those that don't."

"My Dyslexic Ex Was So Stupid... She thought she couldn't get pregnant after she got a DUI."

"The school year is like a burrito... After 3 quarters you're full but you have to keep going even though it's all falling apart."

"*stares off into the distance* Distance: I have a boyfriend"

"Curiosity killed the cat. NASA apologized profusely."

"Why is the Ocean Salty? Because the Beach didn't wave back."

"mean while, while you were ""Gaming "", i tasted 100 different wines in a cave behind a waterfall and cried into a shaman's arms"