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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in the world: Those that divide everything into two categories, and those that don't."

"Why don't lobsters like to share? They're shellfish."

"Here's a joke! Obamacare.... I can't afford it.... fml"

"When I was a kid I was a sore loser... ...,I cried every time my dad beat me."

"Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand."

"Why is sex like a game of bridge? -You don't need a partner if you have a good hand."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a chair. And a table."

"Why didn't the dog want to go into outer space? Because he was scared of vacuums!"

"Smoke alarms are stupid -- like I'd ever forget to smoke."

"It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband"