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Joke of the Day

"*stares off into the distance* Distance: I have a boyfriend"

"Why did jimmy eat his Homework? Because the previous day, the teacher told her students; ""Don't worry guys, it's gonna be a piece of cake""."

"I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got."

"There were seven dwarves in a bath feeling happy Happy needed years of intensive therapy and counselling before eventually committing suicide"

"Trainer: Diet to hit your goal weight. Me: Then what? Trainer: Diet forever to maintain it. Me: *heading to Pizza Hut* Nvm."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta away!"

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"

"Marriage, Or as I like to call it; The wonder years Wonder why she is mad this time Wonder why my stuff is on the lawn"

"I think my new dog thinks he is a blacksmith As soon as I took him inside he made a bolt for the door"

"There should be a ""Life of Pi"" TV show, where they throw a different D-list celebrity in a boat with a tiger every week."