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Joke of the Day

"I'm sure without any training, I can sky dive.. Only once"

"So she texts: Do you want to see something exiting? Me: Yes, of course! Anddd she left the chat."

"What did the overly excited gardener do when spring arrived? He wet his plants."

"How do you get banned from a subreddit without breaking the rules? Post something humorous in /r/lounge. P.S: Is there anyway to ungild myself?"

"So... I hear Bono's door fell off his plane yesterday... I guess he doesn't like unexpected things happening to HIS property without his knowledge, either."

"What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow? A hybrid"

"I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today... ...they started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer."

"Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie? A: She's the one sleeping with the writer."

"I am sorry I wasn't being completely honest when I said I was normal."

"Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are. - Me, to myself, when I'm fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing."