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Joke of the Day

"So... I hear Bono's door fell off his plane yesterday... I guess he doesn't like unexpected things happening to HIS property without his knowledge, either."

"How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography? ""Dear Reader"""

"A young boy asks him mum why his cousin is named Diamond... His mother replies ""because your auntie loves Diamonds"" He replies ""what about me?"" She responds ""enough question Richard"""

"I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Did you know Hellen Keller had a dog? Neither did she."

"When I order a burrito with a coffee in my hand, I imagine the cashier is thinking ""Wow, this guy must really love to shit!"""

"Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher."

"Loose weight I feel that the only option for me to loose weight is to either smoke crack or ingest a tape worm but they both require a commitment level that I am uncomfortable with."

"Lady: How old's your son? Me: He's 3. Lady: Wow, he has great hand eye coordination. Me: You should see him play Grand Theft Auto, he sucks"

"What happened when the monster kissed his one true love? He left lip prints on the mirror!"