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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it."

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"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."
"My grandpa told me that ""your generation relies too much on technology."" I responded with, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology."" Then I unplugged his life support."
"What do we want?! Redundancy! What do we want?! Red-uhh. redundancy?"
"What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a uni cycle? Attire"
"[Job Interview] ""It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17 X 19?"" ""36"" ""That's not even close"" ""But it was quick"""
"Why did Hitler always win foot races? He was the fascist one."
"How do you get a parrot to talk properly ? Send him to polytechnic !"
"Married life - Honey, are you jealous? - Nope! - Admit it, you're jealous! - I told you, I am not! - Then give me a kiss! - GO KISS THAT UGLY-ASS WHORE WHO LIKED YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS!"
"What does Michael Vick do in a plane? Have a dog fight."