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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It's like, do I want to tell people that there's a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right?"

"So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound.. Turns out she was just vacuuming."

"What do you call a conversation at a proctologist meeting? Butt-Talks"

"[guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy."

"Boss: I was listening to some Tool on the way to work. Me: I talk to myself when I'm driving sometimes too, it's ok. Boss: Just get out."

"Got fat from going to auctions every day. yep, it's more bid obesity!!!"

"""I'm not a violent person but people can change"", I whisper as someone takes a bite of my food."

"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea"

"You know how dolphins rape a lot? They do it on porpoise."

"Wife: hey take me out tonight. Me: can it wait till tomorrow? Wife: why? Me: because tonight's not garbage night, tomorrow is"