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Joke of the Day
"Yo mama's so fat... ...she has to upgrade her data plan every time she sends a selfie."
Next Joke
"What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street? Slip not."
"Press 1 for English. Press 2 for spanish. Press 1 and 2 at the same time for the latest Pitbull song"
"I was just knocked off my bike by a stationary truck. The driver gave me a couple of sketch pads and some really cool pens to apologise."
"directions on frozen food need to be more confident. They're like, '11 minutes at 450... but all ovens are different... I'm so stupid.'"
"me: ""leave the door ajar on your way out"" jam salesman: [visibly confused]"
"do you sell wasps? a man goes into a pet shop and asks ""how much are your wasps"" the pet shop owner replies ""we don't sell any wasps"" ""what about the one in the window"""
"A Chinese man goes to the optician and the doctor tells him he has a Cataract. That Chinese man says ""no, I have a BMW""."
"My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'."
"The best part about Ray Lewis being on ESPN is.. I can hear a guy with six kids by four different women lecture me about commitment & dedication."