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Joke of the Day

"directions on frozen food need to be more confident. They're like, '11 minutes at 450... but all ovens are different... I'm so stupid.'"

"What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech? Someone who takes everything literally"

"Your mother ."

"cat: mew me: actually its about games in journalism *cat continues to ask for food*"

"Last night I dreamt I was a muffler... I woke up this morning exhausted."

"How many Jews does it take to fix a country? -6 million"

"How many wrinkles does an asshole have? Smile and ill start counting"

"How much does a hipster weigh? An *instagram*"

"How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar? If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well."

"When someone gets playfully thrown into a swimming pool on TV, all I can do is worry if they have their cell phone in their pocket."