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Joke of the Day

"My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'."

"Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?"

"What would twitch.tv's mafia be called? El Kappa"

"Poor Chinese tourists have to buy souvenirs in other countries made by themselves in China."

"Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage."

"Hey, people who don't properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips... what's it like eating spider eggs?"

"Whats the opposite of under? Der."

"Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It's so fun to watch them freak out!"

"Breastfeeding in public is a great way to get hit on. Especially if you forget to bring your baby."

"Whats blue and doesn't weigh much? Light Blue."