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Joke of the Day

"[office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?"

"What does Vincent say when he's annoyed at someone? Fuck Gogh"

"85 year old Viagra user takes a tumble I've fallen and I can't get up"

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"I got a new fishing boat. I call it the master baiter."

"My two friends Rod and Kurt started a business the other day... You should look it up, it's called Kurt and Rod's Curtain Rods."

"A doctor, an Englishman, a lawyer, an Irishman, a priest, a Scotsman, a cop, a midget, a fireman and a blonde walk into a bar.... The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"People say I'm odd because... I CAN'T EVEN"

"My dad found an Altoid tin in his attic and told me it was worth over $400. He said it was worth so much because it was in mint condition."

"Why do Jewish people have short necks... (Shrugs Shoulders) I don't know."