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Joke of the Day

"""Tom Brady did nothing wrong"" is Boston's ""The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."""

"*follows around a family of ducks in the park while playing Sandstorm on a boombox*"

"Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time"

"I judge you by what's behind you in your photos."

"What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-think-he-saurus :) !! Lol What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog? A do-you-think-he-saurus-rex"

"I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I'm guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand."

"My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses."

"My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal."

"A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. ""Have you had any bites?"" asked the second man. ""Yes lots"" replied the first one ""but they were all mosquitoes."""

"I tried to order a Vietnamese sandwich at a restaurant today while I was walking around topless... The staff refused to serve me, and threatened to bahn mi if I came in without a shirt again."