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Joke of the Day

"Strange that the Bible has no bibliography."

"Whenever I'm not feeling well, I just imagine Tyrannosaurus Rex masturbating."

"Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats"

"I just ran into a doorknob and swore at it but in all honesty, like 99.9% of my doorknob interactions all-time have been positive & helpful"

"What did the table fan say to his boss when he couldn't get to work on time? Ah-so-late!"

"50 cent files for bankruptcy He only had 50 cent"

"How do infomercial salesmen tell you you're fat? Butt weight! There's more!"

"What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow."