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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes."

"We should not be calling girls ""thirsty"".... Let's start calling them ""D"" hydrated"

"*Tucks shirt in* ""Goodnight, shirt."""

"How long should you microwave fish for? Tuna half minutes."

"Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and he wasn't even entered."

"Chewbacca started a website that exposed all the secrets of the Empire, it's called Wookieeleaks."

"What kind of computer can't sing? A Dell"

"Why does a fat man when squeezed compliment the ladies? Because the pressure makes him flatter."

"God, I hate homeless people They make no cents..."

"What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."