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Joke of the Day

"This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow."

"Saw a sign that said ""Join a 5k run! Fight childhood obesity!"" Shouldn't the kids just run it themselves?"

"How do we get rid of Ebola? Put all the infected on a Malaysian Airplane"

"Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture."

"People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing."

"You might think the cock and balls are similar. But there's a vas deferens between them."

"I said ""your right"" to my husband this morning. He thought I said ""you're right"" but I didn't. So I win."

"Darth Vader once baked some cookies... But it was a little on the dark side."

"I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. ""Sure"" she said So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying."

"That show the amazing race..... Is that about white people? Zach Galifianakis"