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Joke of the Day

"you know what people with alopecia say.... you know what people with alopecia say... hair today gone tomorrow"

"Little on the nose that the Pope's riding around in a Fiat, isn't it? But then, I guess we know he's into that Fiat luxe."

"How do black people grow? Their knee grows!"

"Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me."

"If you find a fry on the floor and you don't share it with me, we can't be friends. Don't touch me. Monster."

"I saw a sign today that said ""tailor-made sandwiches"" What the hell does a tailor know about making sandwiches?"

"People are always telling me I don't have friends, but they're wrong. I have all 10 seasons on DVD."

"Umm, no officer. I'm pretty sure that bag of weed fell out of YOUR pocket."

"How does a whore relieve herself? She prosti-toots!"

"Did you hear about the narcoleptic hair stylist? He dyed in his sleep."