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Joke of the Day

"If you find a fry on the floor and you don't share it with me, we can't be friends. Don't touch me. Monster."

"I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA."

"Me: How many times are you going to lick my nose in your lifetime? Dog: "

"i bet cough drops were invented before candy, because if they were invented after then they'd be called candy."

"An Irish, blind, gay, paraplegic blonde woman is wheeled into a bar.. ""Ow!"""

"What's black, red, and blue all over? Rihanna."

"Imagine if our butt crack was horizontal There would be a clapping sound everytime we go up the stairs"

"4yo: Can I have some more Easter candy? Me: After lunch 4yo: I want lunch right now. I'm starving!! Me: We just ate breakfast 4yo: Starving!"

"Did you hear about the lawyer with a fetish for loopholes? He got off on a technicality."

"What do you tell an unemployed Rastafarian? Jah bless."