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Joke of the Day

"""I'd like a nice stiff entendre please."" - Want me to make it a double? ""I'll just take it as it comes."""

"What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party? The cold shoulder."

"[Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands!"

"The script for the upcoming Tetris movie is terrible Each actor just says four lines and then disappears."

"What's 12 inches long and snaps a cunt? A selfie stick"

"Did you hear the one about the shrimp throwing a fit? He was just being tempuramental."

"What do you call a German thief? A Hamburglar."

"Why is a woman lie a hurricane? When she comes she's wet and wild, but when she leaves she takes the house, the car and the kids..."

"Pedophiles Are fucking immature assholes"